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Sense of belonging


A bright light wakes me up, I’m naked in the middle of nowhere. I look at my hands they look orange, I have no nails and four fingers. I feel confused that’s not how I remember myself I look at my feet and I have two fingers also orange and a little covered in mud as if I had been walking for hours. My heart starts beating fast I feel teary and scared and in my mind, I remember my mother and I calm down. I breathe in and out and try to be rational, it’s okay don’t panic I say out loud but the voice I hear isn’t remotely close to mine. 

 I panicked and ran, the ground is full of grass and wet, that’s not how I remember grass to be this grass is blue and smelly, I run even faster my feet hurt I feel exhausted still keep running I don’t want to face reality, I hope this is a dream actually a really disturbing nightmare and I want to wake up, I say to myself, wake up, wake up while I run, but I just can’t wake up and my feet are still hurting, I’m out of breath, I can’t continue running, I kneel on the weird-looking grass and cry, at least I can do something I’m familiar with, I smile, I touch my face to wipe my tears with those disgusting four orange fingers, my nose is not there like it used to be instead to little holes, I feel my eyes and feel relief well I have to eyes, my mouth oh god my mouth it’s not there! How I’ve been crying, saying to myself to wake up all this time without a mouth? I can hear my voice but I don’t know where it comes from. 

 I need to find someone to help me because my feet are bleeding and all this pain is very fucking real this is not a dream.

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